Christmas can be a stressful and confusing time of year for families with autistic children. What with the changes in routine, twinkling lights, festive music, decorations that weren’t there before, unfamiliar foods and smells, grabby relatives coming out of the woodwork, a tree plopped smack in the middle of the house, and a big fat man in a bright red suit shouting, “Ho, ho, ho!” right in your face in a crowded mall, it’s a recipe for meltdowns on a spectacular scale. Here are some ideas for keeping spirits bright while rockin’ around the Christmas tree this holiday season.
Making A List, And Checking It Twice
Mark all upcoming events on a calendar. Hang it where your child can see it at all times, and regularly discuss with the child what is coming up. This can help keep the child from being blindsided. Try not to schedule too many stressful things on one day, or on too many days in a row. Including things like the days you will put up the decorations and the day you will take them down will help the child transition more smoothly from the normal routine to the holiday routine and back again. Crossing out events as they occur will help the child stay oriented in time.
Write out a daily schedule for each day (some children will do better with pictures on the list showing each event). As much as possible, maintain your regular daily routines. Begin your day at the same time and in the same way you normally would, keep the same schedule for meals and medications, follow your regular bedtime routine. Write down and discuss with your child anything that is planned for that day that differs from the normal routine of the family. During the school break be sure to let the child know what will be happening during times he is normally in school. This is often a good time of day for structured activities. It’s very important to include in your schedule breaks and activities that help your child feel calm and relax; too much busy festivity can be overwhelming and lead to meltdowns.
Prepare the child for unfamiliar events and activities by discussing with him in advance what he can expect. It might be helpful to write down for him a checklist of what will happen and in what order at that specific event or activity so he can refer to it as needed to see what’s coming up next. If possible, show pictures from last year’s event or cut photos of an activity or project from a magazine.
Consider creating social stories and rehearsing brief “scripts” for common holiday social situations. What will happen Christmas morning? How do you handle giving and receiving gifts (including an undesirable gift!)? What about greeting visitors in your home, or visiting in the homes of relatives? Show your child pictures of relatives that might be encountered during the holidays, tell a few interesting facts about them, and talk about how the child should speak and act around each person.
Avoid surprises, or let the autistic child be in on the secret in advance. Many parents like to create special holiday surprises for their children. While most kids are thrilled with surprises, many autistic children find surprises quite disturbing and upsetting. Letting them help set up the surprise, or taking them aside beforehand and warn them about what is about to happen can prevent a surprise meltdown. If your child is confused by presents, or finds not knowing what’s in them upsetting consider wrapping his presents in tissue paper or colored cellophane; that way the child can still unwrap the present but knows what to expect when he gets it open.
Do You Hear What I Hear?
Christmas can bring with it lots of intense new sensory experiences, and while most people revel in the sights, sounds, flavors, and scents of the season, for an autistic child they can be frightening and overwhelming. This is a time when less is often more, and you might want to think about which sensory-intensive decorations and experiences are most important for your family and eliminate some of the unnecessary extras. Try to introduce new sensory experiences one at a time and as calmly as possible. Allow your child to try new treats at his own comfort level, and consider bringing along some favorite familiar foods to holiday celebrations.
When possible, opt for small get-togethers and avoid big, noisy crowds. If you will be attending an event in an environment you know will be upsetting for your child consider hiring a babysitter and letting the child opt out. If that’s not a good option, help your child locate a quiet place like a coat room or back stairwell where he can go if he begins to feel agitated; make sure he knows where the restroom is, what is expected of him, and where to find you at all times. Take your child shopping during off-hours to minimize the crowds and chaos, or help him shop online.
Let your child help decide what decorations will be displayed in your home. If he finds a certain kind of lights or decorations unsettling consider putting them away or finding a more comfortable substitute. Keeping home a “sensory safe zone” will help Christmas be more pleasant for the whole family.
Plan some strategies for toning down the chaos of presents on Christmas morning; a wrapping paper feeding frenzy can be very overstimulating. Taking turns opening one gift at a time not only tames the chaos, it makes the happy anticipation last that much longer for everyone.
There’s No Place Like Home For The Holidays
The festivities of the holiday season offer so many opportunities for disaster that it can be exhausting to navigate them all successfully, even in familiar territory. Add in extended travel to unfamiliar places, and catastrophe is almost inevitable. If you will be traveling or staying at a hotel or relative’s home, be sure to prepare the child in advance. If possible show pictures of the places and people the child will encounter on your travels. Make sure your child has a safe, quiet place he can go when he begins to become agitated. Help the child rehearse appropriate greetings for relatives, and appropriate actions for him to take when he’s not sure what he’s expected to say or do. Ask relatives to allow the child to decide whether to hug or kiss, as forced intimate social contact can be very overwhelming. Take comfortable clothes for your child to wear, and be aware of the many new sensory experiences that come along with the new location; do what you can to protect your child from overload. Don’t forget your calendar, checklists, and social stories!
For an autistic child there truly is no place like home for the holidays. Being anchored in a comfortable, familiar place can help take the edge off all that is new and strange and exciting and unsettling about Christmas. I strongly recommend carving out Christmas as a time for your family to build memories at home. Take Christmas at your own pace. Create a cozy, warm, safe time and place where your autistic child can thrive and bloom and experience the joy of the season. Consider asking friends and relatives to stagger their visits to your home to help cut down on the chaos, or just let everyone know that your family is setting aside Christmas as a special time just for your own immediate family group at home.
Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas
Relax! Have fun! Enjoy your quirky kiddo. Life on the spectrum can be chaotic and confusing, but one thing’s for sure–it’s never boring. So stick a candy cane in your hot cocoa, hold on to your Santa hat, and sit back and enjoy the ride. May your days be merry and bright, and may all your Christmases go right!
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Here are some fun links you might like to check out:
Christmas With My Son With Autism
Autism-Friendly Christmas Tips For The Eccentric
Making The Holidays Happy For Children With Autism Spectrum Disorders (Great for teachers!)
Written by Amy
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